Last night wasn’t so good - Isaac woke up screaming at 12.30 and it took two solid hours of me singing to him, and talking, and bringing him medicine and milk before he was comforted enough to sleep again. When you’re so asleep yourself it’s hard to think of variations on what food he’ll be able to bite at once his teeth come through - beans, kidney beans, broad beans, runner beans, baked beans, green beans, minestrone, pinto beans - repeated on what seems an endless loop. He seems well enough now, though.

I’m about a day away from finishing my book. Today should do it, actually. I need to read through the final ‘death’ chapter once more (and the epilogue), and finalise the acknowledgments. Man. Then it’s just a matter of waiting until the galleys are back and wincing at the numerous typos - and, yeah. That’ll be it. It’s odd. The feeling is almost anti-climatic. It’s been almost two years. And now I just feel immeasurably sad - partly like I’ve betrayed my old self and Kurt by seeing this project through its conclusion, and partly because it’s never nice looking back in such detail, not when it reduces your current life to such an insane, repetitive routine. I’m sure it’s also affected my ability to write.

I love this Kimya Dawson album so much.

It hasn’t really been possible to Kimya while I’ve been writing my book - it’s too intrusive, and she makes you want to catch every last wavering word - but it means a lot. My chosen music to play at 6.55am is Camera Obscura’s new album, more Concretes than the Concretes even, it’s such a delightful way to greet the morning. And for incidental music, played while I’m preparing food or Isaac’s down in the kitchen, The Jam (Extras, or live). And for writing the book itself during the final week; Mark Lanegan and Talking Heads. (There’s been a ton more, but I really don’t want to get into writing extended lists here.)

Watched Dig last night. Man, that final scene where Anton kicks someone in the head for no reason depressed me so much - it was all I could think about when I was woken suddenly in the night. Not sure if the film isn’t too close to reality for my own personal comfort.