“That was one of the strangest things I ever saw,” comments Yeah Yeah Yeahs guitarist Nick Zinner.
“When we first saw you on stage,” remarks YYYs manager Asif, “we thought, ‘Man it must be cold up there’…either that or your guitarist is wearing a really thin T-shirt. That was incredible. Seriously.”
“That was cool,” says a Locust. (Now, there’s respect!)
“Afterwards, I hung around to see what the audience thought,” my wife reveals. “The crowd was split into two sections. There were all the scenesters who’d come down from London to see the show, and they stood out a mile, just didn’t fit in. Anyway, they got a little pissed off with all the feedback during the last number, but all the younger members were really intrigued and quite into it, kept saying ‘I’ve never seen anything like that before’. So that was definitely good.”
“I woke up this morning/And everything felt the same/I woke up this morning/And everything felt the same…eh, Everett?” (Random punter to self.)
“It was scary how angry you looked on stage,” comments my wife once more. (Well, Jesus. I was a little worse the wear, and nervous cos I love the Old Market so much.)

All I was doing was watching the small group of girls who were hanging out at the bottom of my mic, clearly having a hard time believing their eyes - first they’d look stage-left where Danya was standing, proudly fully exposed in her art and attire, dumbstruck by the sight of a near-naked lady playing cool, ragged noise guitar: then they’d all (as one) look stage-right to where I was dressed in my sports gear, blowing hard at my e-flat horn, no mics around. It was the same girls, though, who cheered the loudest when I gave my little speech about, “Why don’t bands fuck off after they play their one or two good songs instead of hanging round for another 12?”
I suspect my friends who’d been at Russell’s Prom Night in Hove post-New Black the previous night particularly appreciated my new song, “It’s Five In The Morning And I’m Going To Get Fucked Up”. Or, as Louis Jordan put it, “What’s The Use Of Getting Sober When You’re Going To Get Drunk Again?” I covered a Billy Childish song, too - for all of five seconds.

“Did you enjoy that?” I was asked afterwards. I dunno. I was kinda mad Alice didn’t lead Danya on by her nipple, like they’d been threatening beforehand.

Yeah Yeah Yeahs also played. Anyone else notice the resemblance to Whitesnake?